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Title: Never To Late

The first time I had a man's cock in my mouth was not the first time I had a man come in my mouth and I was able to swallow it. That happened 40 years later, after two failed marriages, three children, and precious few other relationships.
But back to that first attempted blowjob: my high school girlfriend hand dumped me just a month or so after we started college, and I felt even more of a failure at getting together with a girl--getting together with a boy was unthinkable not only for me but for everyone I knew or had heard of. So when a dorm mate offered me $10 to take a date off his hands for a bug dorm party, I was happy to oblige: money and a date, too. I felt like a whore, but strangely I liked the feeling. The event was a disaster for me: the girl I brought began flirting with a guy who hadn't been able to get his own date and was playing piano. I was angry and humiliated, so I went for a walk. In a deserted part of the city, a car pulled over and as guy yelled out the window, asking if I wanted to go for a ride? I said "Sure" knowing what he had in mind, even as inexperienced as I was.

As soon as I got in the passengers seat, the driver started moving again and reached over and pushed my head down into his crotch--without a word. Rather than feeling angry or resentful, I felt only one thng: "This is how sex should be" No getting acquainted, no dating, no flirting, just grab my head and stick it where you want it, make me do what you want. Immediately I began sucking and licking his flaccid cock as though i had done this all my life. I felt even more excited at the scent down there: dried urine, semen, and a whiff of taint. I wanted it all, and I wanted it to smell even stronger! (I still do)

But there was something wrong here: his cock did did inflate, did not ejaculate. After awhile he said: "Sorry, but I'm just too tired out; had too much fun already." He suggested we drive to some vacant lot (all his had been in a moving car so far) where he could suck me off. I said no, take me home. But I didn't explain that I was angry because he could not satisfy me with a mouthful of warm, creamy slop to swallow. If he had said instead: "Let's go to a place where we can undress and I can make you do other things to please me," I would have said yes right away.

But instead He drove me back to my dorm, asking if he could pick me up tomorrow. I wanted to say yes, but by now, after the second rejection, as I saw, off the night, the super ego kicked in, with the voices of my mom and dad and grandmothers. How could I respect myself if I did such things? So I started a life I really did not want, as it turned out, until I was forced to buy my own personal computer by the demands of my job at the time. The first search term I ever entered, out of the blue, was "gay men". From there it was the beginning of a life I felt I really wanted. I discovered very early that I liked the look of men in women's clothing, so I began buying my own wardrobe, and in no time I had a bigger than average cock in my mouth, and one that grew stiff and hard and shot a load into me, I was on my knees in a a camisole, nylon panties, and thigh-high lace-top stockings.

He was a married man who would stop by on his way home from work, as were all the other men I went down on my knees or on my hands and knees for. But I still had a girlfriend at the time I was sucking his cock and licking his balls, and one afternoon, as he was at the door, I was on the phone, unable to get her to hang up and an argument we were having (we had more of those than sex). The guy distook what I was saying as directed at him and turned and left and never came back, despite my many e-mails. I truly regret that, since it was the beginning of my learning curve, and I had a lesson every night, expect weekends and holidays. I met other guys, and enjoyed sex with all of them. But I most regret not having said yes to that cruiser in college. The last thing he said to me, as I was walking away was: "You may not believe it now, but you're one of us." "Bullshit" I said. I wish I could get into his car right now, try to say he was right all along but be cut shot by his reaching over and pusing my head down into his fragrant crotch


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